Does this sound familiar….
“The other night I was trying to prepare dinner from a place of love but despite my efforts I was only feeling frustration, tiredness, resentment and even anger…. you see as I tried to create our STIR RAW my 12 year old sat downstairs playing a computer game, while my husband was downstairs doing the bookwork necessary at the end of his busy work day, granddad was in his retreat performing whatever task he was focused on – and here I was upstairs after a busy day feeling tired and struggling to be the family nurturer, to prepare a healthy and nutritious meal (on a dirty sticky floor – yuck!) with my usually cheery toddler doing everything in her power to get my attention from spilling water on the floor, pulling all the toilet paper off the role, scribbling with a pen on the couch, pulling off her nappy and weeing on the floor, dropping her food onto the floor and constantly crying “read me a book mummy”. In this moment I had a spark of insight and acknowledged that something had to change in my life and fast!
SO…I have had to get off the fence and yet again give up my SUPERWOMAN behaviours (they just keep on creeping up on me)!
Today I feel invigorated, full of hope for a more balanced and creative life of passion and personal growth. Full of confidence that I will be the best mother I can for my baby daughter and our other 5 children, the best wife I can be for my husband! I have committed to this, made some big realisations and taken several vital steps to bring my life back into balance.
I have some intimate truths, REAL WORLD learning and wisdoms to share with you as a result! Enjoy
You see since my daughter (Sheannah) was about 5 months old, I have been trying to work or as I say be of service (creating, writing and healing etc) while at the same time maintaining my role of being as close to a full-time mum as I could and running our busy home. You see I felt it was important for my New Frequency Child to be at home with me as long as possible, to be protected from our very REAL world and all its light (energy) sapping challenges! And yes this belief is valid, however I feel in honouring the belief I lost my way!
What I ended up becoming was a mummy who was energetically frazzled and struggling valiantly to be present and in the moment with my baby, struggling to play with her and to be playful! A mother and wife who was frustrated that I could not find the time to fully honour my creativity, my service and myself – losing my passion because everything was starting to feel like hard work, where was the joy, where was my spark, where was me?
So this week I got off the fence that I had totally created for myself. I acknowledged to myself, that I am not one of the amazing women who can fully 100% commit to being a full-time homemaker/mother (if you are this person I completely honour you!). For me this lifestyle is unsatisfying – leaving me empty. For me to be happy and balanced I need to allow my creativity, my service to humanity and the earth and to me, to evolve and flow – and this requires time alone and time dedicated to my work.
I realise that for me to be ‘the mum my daughter’s soul chose’, ‘the wife my husband chose’, and the ‘woman my soul destined me to be’, I need to fully honour my true authentic self. I need to be me, to nurture me and love me enough to find a place of balance within and without.
So a few weeks ago I officially got off that fence and made a commitment to changing the dynamics that were draining me of my passion, taking the joy from my daily existence and meaning that everything was being done half in my life!
Of course as is so often the case, in making this commitment things started shifting and changing around me very quickly! The universe was falling over itself to show me the path forward to a more balanced, harmonious and joyful personal and family dynamic!
So what has changed today?
- I clearly decided AGAIN SUPERWOMAN – no thanks!
- I immediately got assertive and advised everyone in my household that I would no longer be preparing meals without Sheannah being either in bed OR entertained by others in the house. I also put re-implemented a ban on all TV and computer games before dinner. So if they wanted dinner at a reasonable hour, they needed to team up and support me at this time of the day. This made a big difference.
- I got honest with myself and acknowledged my heart’s desire to work again in a more committed fashion and let go of any guilt relating to that.
- I also acknowledged that Sheannah really needed more stimulation and that I needed to spend more “quality time with her offering her my undivided attention” rather than “time with her while trying to juggle all my other activities”.
- I started looking for a suitable child care facility and increased her hours – accessing care 4 days per week.
- Now I make my life more joyful by doing a few chores while everyone is away with lovely music playing and love in my heart; so I spend a little time each day keeping the house clean and tidy (which makes everyone more calm and relaxed, especially me). I try to have tonight’s dinner and tomorrows breakfast/lunch prepared prior to collecting Sheannah from childcare. This allows me plenty of time for work, mediation and creating AND allows me to BE fully PRESENT for Sheannah and my family when they are home. Quality time and balance = happy me, happy toddler, happy husband, happy house!
My courage and commitment has truly paid off… The truth is that I have learned a lot through this recent journey and I want to share it with you!
So it’s official… as of today my baby girl Sheannah (now 22 months old has commenced child care 4 days per week). The child care space appeared in a beautiful small child care centre whose values and energy resonated with me. A centre where Sheannah immediately felt at home, excited and joyful. Sheannah is by nature a very social and independent child. I know that as a result of her gentle natural birth and her environment till now, she has maintained a very open and joyful energy, she has little fear of anything at all, she is safe and secure always, connected to her soul, spirit and me always – and she knows it.
So of course Sheannah ABSOLUTELY LOVES childcare, because she gets to play with all the kids, to sing, dance and do so many other wonderful activities all day long. Her mind which is so quick and requiring of stimulation – is in heaven in that environment. When I picked her up from her first day she ran up to me and said “WOO HOO!!” and that really sums it up perfectly!
So I started to look at why I was trying so hard to keep her home with me so much…. was it because of my beliefs or for her best interest. She is Sheannah and she loves being out and about with other children! Simple as that… and here I was pushing myself to the limits, trying to be superwoman again! Valiantly trying to subjugate my true nature and the tides of creativity streaming from within me, the service I so intrinsically desire and honestly need to offer humanity, because I wanted my baby to stay home and I wanted to be the perfect mum. Why because this time, with this baby I had the choice to stay home with her, I wanted to be an even better mother this time around and I guess as principal of New Frequency Child and an advocate of the new children I felt it would show me to be the good mother I aspire to being! OUCH… there’s some uncomfortable personal insight!
So I now realise – the entire situation of imbalance in my life, was all about me (of course!), about my beliefs, my stuff, my stubbornness and pride – the truth is I was not really listening to my baby, I was not really listening to my higher self and to the rhythms of my life either! End result, unavoidable – melt down!
You know I have already learned this lesson! Mmmhhh that’s annoying to me (don’t like to learn lessons twice!) maybe this time I will really embrace it – I fully intend to!
You see this entire scenario reminds me of my journey with breastfeeding Sheannah. Believe it or not my child didn’t want to be fed after 5 months and she made no mistake about letting us all know this!! That’s fine you may say… well no it wasn’t because I believed it was important to breastfeed her exclusively until she was 12 months of age for her emotional and physical wellbeing and I nearly killed myself and everyone else in the family trying to achieve this!
My daughter was born over 9 pounds and by 5 months old was the size of many 1 year olds! She had her own unique needs and despite my copious milk supply she was hungry and wanted food! Ultimately she forced my hand (as her determined self will do!) when she simply rejected my breasts at 5 months of age!
Understandably I was devastated, hurt, my anxiety levels went through the roof, lots and lots of tears were shed (again I had had to stop feeding my previous 2 children at 6 weeks to return to work and I so wanted to do it right this time!!). So I went to a lactation consultant, tried many different things, none of which worked.
Finally I semi-surrendered – I found a compromise. I gave Sheannah bottles (which would feed her much faster) full of breast milk and spent up to 6 hours day/night pumping my breasts to keep her in breast milk. This lasted only a few months until my body decided it was too much and my milk flow stopped.
Goodness I am stubborn – because similarly at the same time I tried to keep her off solid foods… but finally I listened to her and my guides (they were screaming at me by this time) they said give her this organic food now! So I tried it and whalla – from that moment forth she has been an eating machine!! Seriously Sheannah absolutely loves food (every type of food as long as it is healthy organic food) – my husband and I often joke that this is why she decided to reincarnate!
I share all this with you to show you I am human too… ohhh so human… and to support you with the realisation that every parent struggles from time to time, when you are know you not alone and that everything will be OK! I know that we as parents can only do our very best from moment to moment, and when we don’t perform as well as we like, we can only acknowledge this, decide to improve, dust ourselves off and try again in the next moment to improve! In this way we grow and evolve as a human being and in that it is perfect!
SO TODAY I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT:
- Children are unique individuals, with their own unique needs – especially the new children (they cannot be categorised or labelled clearly). The guidance and wisdom of others is simply to make parents conscious of the possibilities, not to say this is how it must be for my child to thrive! (BTW: this includes all guidance I offer you on this site).
- Parents need to let go of their beliefs and the good opinion of others – if what they are doing is not working! Take time out and feel into the situation, feel into what is best for your child, yourself and your family. Let any guilt or feelings of inadequacy go – feel uplifted that you are open to listening and to implementing change, which supports your child. You are a courageous, caring and loving parent!
- Realise that children don’t need a large quantity of our time as long as we give them our undivided presence when we have time with them. It is so very good for them to spend time in the company of others and in other environments – it’s the spice of life and learning!
- Finally I acknowledge that the gifts that flow from applying all of this are immeasurable: as parents we will be blessed with all the love, joy, peace and wonder that life has to offer, if we continue to strive to maintain a high frequency environment, balance and loving interactions.
So there you have it… its been quite a month! I hope that this article supports you on your parenthood journey. That it offers you understanding, encouragement and inspiration. I hope that it gives you some ideas as to how to bring balance and joy back into your life, if it has been lacking… that it helps you to be enabled to be FULLY PRESENT with your children and spend quality time playing with them!
I encourage you to read the follow up article to this, in fact the article that inspired this one. It’s called ‘Play with me Mummy’.
My heart to yours, my soul to yours
Kyrona Unity Hope
Creator and Principal of the New Frequency Child BLOG and Program.
Creator and Author of The Sacred Pregnancy and Birth: Audio Series